I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I understand Curling. That high.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
