I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
