I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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