was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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