on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
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how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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