Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
