I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
