the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
