the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
