singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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