my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
