My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
