Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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