Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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