Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
