Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
