textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
