dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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