I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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