K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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