Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
