best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
