is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
