don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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