I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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