you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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