We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
