Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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