youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
