id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
