The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
