haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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