My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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