well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
