I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
