sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
