Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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