i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
