what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
