I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
