I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
