mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
