I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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