dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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