Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
