Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
