The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Church boner. Awkwardddd
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
