the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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