Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
