I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
