I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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