dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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