I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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