I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
