So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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