I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
