imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
