You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
