i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
