I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
