I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
