So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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