i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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