don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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