mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How's work?
Spinning.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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