it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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