Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
