there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
