im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
