ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
