DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
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I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
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I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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