Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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