Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
