obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
