I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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