The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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