So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
