I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
