I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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