the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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