I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
