nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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