i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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