I smell stomach acid.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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