i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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