we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
