May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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