The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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