I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
