Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
