Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
