I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
